Extremely exciting coronavirus update: I BOUGHT YEAST! Can you believe it? Me, an unassuming, regular person who spends her days doing normal, regular-person things—I am in possession of one of the most valuable substances on Earth. As I write this, yeast is worth its weight in diamonds, gold, and solar panels combined. Yeast is the cool but homely high school girl in the movies who no one pays attention to, until one day she takes off her glasses and puts on a tank top, or in this case, a deadly virus strikes, and suddenly everyone is all, I MUST HAVE HER. And obviously yeast is flattered, but she’s also like, hello? I’ve been here leavening your baked goods for a solid 5,000 years. Maybe this is a lesson in appreciating what’s been in front of you all along? And she’s absolutely right. We’ve been fools, yeast. You are an enduring beauty, deserving of our mindful appreciation. Also, will you go to the (virtual) prom with us?

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